3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
be right there i have to get my cape
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
