I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
