The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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