i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
