There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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