Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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