Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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