Having a random hookup so left but love u
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
