Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
