You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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