It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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