Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i drank out of a bidet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
