Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
