I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I could make wine with my vomit
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
