I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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