i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
