so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
