Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
