I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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