im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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