why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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