If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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