you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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