Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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