i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
