dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
