Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
