Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
