I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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