I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
