1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
