I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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