Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
