First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
