i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
