I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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