You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so let's talk penis.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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