i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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