your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
