So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
