Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
