dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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