I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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