How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
