yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
