I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
