Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
