A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
