Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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