omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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