there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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