I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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