also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
