So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
