i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
