so that wasnt chicken after all
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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