Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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