ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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