I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
