my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
