i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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