the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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