Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
